Not an Empty Garden: a poem

 

Not an Empty Garden

 

You on the outside looking in

may see an empty garden here

with cracked sidewalks

and barren spaces

but look closer behind my door

and find I have saved the best

of my fruits

from prying insects and encroaching weeds

my gate open only

to those who bring sunshine

and fresh rain to my garden.

You will see what happened here

while farming in my younger years

the crooked rows and eaten crops

the stolen grain and diseased leaves

no longer exist

and roots grow deep

into rich, dark soil for the few that care.

So come to my gate

call out my name

and in the sun or rain

I will come out to play

to dance in my garden with you

because

despite it all

I’m still standing.

 

September 24, 2020

Tansy Julie Soaring Eagle Paschold

 

Inspired by Elton John’s “Empty Garden”

Norfolk Public Library Writing Prompt to use favorite song lyrics in a poem

You said No: Preying Mantis

 

You said no

 

I found a dead preying mantis

on my picnic table today and wondered

what omen

this predicted.

Tonight

a chapter closed

as you said no for the final time.

I had asked you

to go to counseling:

you said no.

I had asked you

to stop yelling at me and threatening me:

you said no.

I had asked you

to stop calling us names:

you said no.

I had asked you

to manage your money:

you said no.

This last time I had asked you

to pay a portion of your half, your part

to show you care:

again, you said no.

I will ask no longer.

Tonight, under the full moon,

I walked behind your house

and on your car

I placed the last item of yours

I was holding on to:

the Christmas stocking I meticulously made

with your name on it.

In this gesture I set you free

and let go of the man I saw:

the man you could have become.

You said no too many times.

The preying mantis still lies

lifeless

on my table outside,

no longer the predator

hunting and seizing those

vulnerable souls

unfortunate enough to leave open

hearts and wallets,

unprotected.

 

Tansy Julie Soaring Eagle Paschold

September 3, 2020

Breakup: A Villanelle

 Having a little fun with the villanelle form:

She said, “Never again

will you be anything

I need.”  To get out of here

 

is all I can think of

if she really meant that thing

she said.  “Never!”  Again,

 

I think of our love

and there must be something

I need to get.  “Out of here

 

I can rise above

like a bird on a wing,”

she said.  Never again

 

seeing my little dove?

And to do?  There’s nothing

I need to.  “Get out of here.”

 

It’s as if she gives me a shove

and my heart can no longer sing.

She said, “Never again.”

I need to get out of here.

 

 

Tansy Julie Soaring Eagle Paschold

August 16, 2020

That Will Be Enough

The couples are on the dance floor and

my photo app reminds me of where

we used to be years ago

on this date:

kissing, in the park, smiling.

I believe we may have been happy once.

I wanted you to help me feel financially secure

            and work actively on your past money mistakes.

You wouldn’t.

That would’ve been enough.

I wanted you to be interested in spending time

            doing things I like just to be with me

            even if you didn’t like doing them.

You wouldn’t.

That would’ve been enough.

I wanted you to speak kindly to me

            and not threaten or yell or think you

            could say whatever you wanted.

You wouldn’t.

That would’ve been enough.

I wanted to be more important than the movies

            you obsessively watched.

I wasn’t.

That would’ve been enough.

I kept telling you I loved you not only

            for who you were

but for who I saw you could be—

You turned into someone I couldn’t recognize

and someone I was scared to love,

hiding from you in my own home,

seeking solace in sugar and sleep,

isolated from friends and family. 

You told me I was broken

and would never find another.

That may be true—

now every man seems a threat,

has the potential to want more than I can give.

This heart, cracked and shredded,

I guard alone and let no one new enter,

knowing loneliness is the only way

possible

to make it beat again.

To have it in one piece, though misshapen

and misused, cradled in my own arms—

To feel it pulse in the dark protected under my ribcage—

Even if it means I can’t be with another—

That will be enough.

July 5, 2020

Tansy Julie Soaring Eagle Paschold